There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
