I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
