i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
