i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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