the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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