I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
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