If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
