I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
