I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
operation harelip BJ is a go
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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