i think my tv is drunk
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Floor bacon is actually really good
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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