dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
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