she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
