Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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