Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
