never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
