just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
