Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
