when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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