He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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