Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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