what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Randomize
