this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
