K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
