I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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