i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
