I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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