Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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