Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
