He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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