I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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