1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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