I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
