He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Randomize
