listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
