It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
