uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Randomize
