Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
