the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
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All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
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Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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