hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I am one with the molecules
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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