Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
