I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
