Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
