I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
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I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
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the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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