just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
