FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
