I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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