I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant