So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
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Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
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I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?