I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
How's your threesome situation going?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.