Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.