I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila