I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf