I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
