i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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