i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
NoShamevember. You game?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
