My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
