Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
