he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
The best revenge is premature balding
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
