Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
