Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
