How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
