living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
