remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
