I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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