Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize