dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
