dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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