Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize