I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize