i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Randomize
