So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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