Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
